How to Deal with the Expectations of Your
Parents and In-Laws
Your parents and in-laws are important people to you and your spouse.
It is not easy to deal with your needs and the needs of a new family. However,
having a harmonious family relationship is not far from happening. You just
need to put an effort in order to achieve it.
It is something that will greatly benefit you and your partner’s life.
Here are some ways of dealing with your parents and in-laws’
Working Together with Your Partner
This is the key rule in dealing with your parents and in-laws. It all
begins with talking through it with your spouse because you are not alone in
doing this. You should also remember not to let your spouse feel that she has
to choose between you and a family member. In doing so, you are going to make
the situation much more complicated.You can try to understand your parents and in-laws more by trying to
bond with them and supporting the relationship, especially now that you and
your spouse are expecting. Although it is very difficult, you have to
constantly remind yourself that they are your child-to-be and partner’s family.
Creating and Enforcing Limits and Boundaries
Deciding on matters regarding your baby or lending money to in-laws
should be done together with your partner. When you know how to work together,
you can set your family values. From this, you can communicate these values to
your parents and your partner’s parents. Do not make promises that you know you
cannot keep just to please them and their expectations. This will rarely solve
the problem. You also need to be firm when setting limits
to your parents and in-laws. If you do not want them to do a surprise visit to
your house or suddenly ask your pregnant wife to accompany them, you need to
tell them that they need to inform you or your spouse first before dropping by.
to the Direct Person Involved
As much as possible, if you have a problem
with or difficulty reaching the expectation of any family member, do not
communicate to a third party. For instance, do not ask your partner to talk to
her mother about something that she did that offended you, especially if it
concerns your child. You ought to talk to your mother-in-law directly. Please
bear in mind that you are not only doing this for your partner but as well as
for the welfare of your baby.
Basically, whether it is a serious problem or a
simple misunderstanding, it will be better to address it the soonest possible.
No doubt that you love your parents and
in-laws. Nevertheless, there will be times that it is hard to do so due to
their expectations. In this situation, you need to think differently. It means
you may have to give in at times and negotiate with them. You can do this by
trying to view the situation in their viewpoint. By doing this, you will be
less stressed and everyone will be happier.
According to Shakespeare, do not try to make
yourself into someone your in-laws or parents want. You have no obligation to
be someone they want you to be. However, do not try to completely ignore what
they say. It is best to explain to them that their particular expectation of
you as a spouse to their daughter and as a father to their grandchild is not
something you are comfortable with.
In any situation, this method is effective.
You should try not to say something bad or negative though you feel the need
for doing so. If it really is difficult to say something nice, just keep your
mouth shut and smile. Being level headed is the best thing you can do when
dealing with expectations that you think are unbelievable. You do not want your
child to grow up with a family full of problems and backstabbing. If you have
misunderstandings, the best solution is to be kind and deal with them
Finally, there are various ways to work out the expectations of your
parents and in-laws. This is a common problem, but do not assume that every
parent and in-law relationship is like this. With understanding and compassion,
it will be easy to follow the methods given.